


and you make me feel sober

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, First Kiss, M/M, Roommates, Self-Medication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23697811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex can't help but take care of his roommate even though he's a wreck.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 79
Kudos: 206





	1. Chapter 1

Alex didn’t even try to look away as his roommate stripped in the middle of the room.

The first handful of times, Alex had looked away. He’d get flustered and wonder why the hell his roommate was changing where he could see when he _knew_ Alex was gay. Most guys hid from him like he was the plague. But then he realized that Michael was simply too drunk or high or both to give a shit. On top of that, he’d fallen over four too many times for Alex to feel comfortable not watching him like a baby. There was, sadly, nothing sexual about it.

“You are an absolute travesty, Michael Guerin,” Alex mused, shaking his head as the man tripped over his own jeans and caught himself an inch before slamming his face into his desk.

“Shh, my head hurts,” Michael whispered, letting himself sit on his ass to pull his jeans off his feet like a child. Alex couldn’t help but be amazed, honestly, how someone as smart as Michael could be reduced to this level of helplessness.

They lived in an honor hall in their dorm, which meant it was a 24-hour quiet hall with no parties allowed and every single student who lived in the dorm was apart of at least one honor society. Michael, in particular, was here on a full-ride and got the best grades Alex had ever seen despite the fact that he was taking nearly 20 hours of engineering classes so he could be a mechanical engineer. When he graduated, he’d be nearly debt-free and getting paid upwards of $70k a year at an entry-level status. 

And yet he couldn’t even take his pants off.

“You have a test in less than 45 minutes, you should thank me for making sure you’re awake rather than shush me,” Alex insisted. Michael sighed and looked up at him, his hair droopy from lack of being washed and his cheeks scruffy in a patchy I’m-Only-19-So-My-Beard-Isn’t-Full-Yet way. 

“Thank you, Alex, you are my one and only savior, the reason I’m still alive, the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I-”

“Alright, I get it,” Alex laughed, waving him off. Still drunk from the night before, Michael grinned at him and winked.

As per usual, Alex helped Michael to his feet and started shoving him towards the bathroom so he could at least freshen up a little bit. He didn’t know why he was so willing to put up with his bullshit. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself. In the most embarrassing way, he knew that he was just helplessly attracted to this trainwreck of a boy who would never give him the time of day. 

Michael exited the bathroom with an impressively clean-shaven face in such a short amount of time, flashing his freshly brushed teeth and flicking his wet hair. Alex had decided to stop questioning why he kept his toothbrush and razor in the shower a few days after he met him. Whatever worked.

“Dry off,” Alex laughed, staring at him like he’d lost it by standing there in nothing but a towel. Because he _had_ lost it by doing that. He had no idea what that did to him. Which was, again, embarrassing. Why was he attracted to this mess?

Still, he made sure Michael had the right notebooks for the day in his backpack and enough pencils to last him. Then he grabbed him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from his drawers, mindlessly acting like his mother. Maria had asked him why he did that and Alex couldn’t give her an answer. He figured if Michael was less thankful, then he wouldn’t do it. But he liked the way Michael liked being taken care of by him. Sometimes he questioned if Michael got extra fucked up just so Alex would take care of him more.

“Thank you,” Michael said, getting dressed a little more organized than he’d gotten undressed. 

“Mmm,” Alex hummed, leaning against the dresser as he watched Michael pull the baggy sweats over his ass that had already been covered in tight black briefs. He could hear Maria shaming him in his head for even being interested in his hardly-there, white boy ass. But he couldn’t help himself, sadly.

“No, seriously,” Michael said, tilting his head back a little as he gave Alex his full attention, “You don’t need to take care of me, but I appreciate it more than you know. Honestly. I promise I’ll make it up to you one day.”

Alex tried not to take that to heart if only to protect himself from being hurt. There were only so many ways this could go and all of them ended with him getting crushed by Michael’s ineptitude.

“Dry your hair and then go ace your test, bitch,” Alex told him. Michael snorted and looked at him with fond eyes that were the reason for him getting up two hours before his first class. 

“Do it for me?”

Alex thought about denying him, thought about telling him to do it himself and then push him out the door. But, well, he was feeling a little too lovesick from his grateful attitude, so he motioned him over. Alex pushed himself to sit on the dresser so he had somewhat of a height advantage and grabbed the towel, letting Michael step in between his legs.

He dried his hair that was stretched down to his shoulders at this point, focusing extra hard on that so he didn’t think about their close proximity. Why did he have to like him? Why couldn’t he be normal and hate his stupid, messy roommate like everyone else? Maria bitched about her roommate all the time for being just as much of an asshole as Michael and she wasn’t in love with her. It wasn’t fair.

“There, that’s about as dry as it’s gonna get by just a towel,” Alex decided, dropped his hands and leaning back just a little. Michael was still standing between his legs. “You have a test in like fifteen minutes, you need to go.” Michael didn’t really move, just smiling all sweetly and biting down on his lip. It got so awkward that Alex had to laugh. “Why the hell are you staring at me, you fucking weirdo?”

“I’m gonna go take my test,” Michael said, slowly backing away. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, go take your test.”

“And you’ll be here after I take my test, right?”

“Uh,” Alex said, his eyebrows meeting and he tilted his head, “Depends. I have class at 9:15, so if you’re not back by 9, then no.”

“So I’ll rush,” Michael decided with a shrug. Alex scoffed, kicking his way slightly. Michael caught his foot with that same charming smile.

“Don’t you dare rush, I’ll see you when you get home from whatever place you go to get plastered tonight,” Alex said. Michael scrunched up his nose and tugged on his leg a little. Alex quickly grabbed the edge of the dresser and looked at him with wide, amused eyes. “Dude!”

“What if I wanna see you before then?” Michael wondered.

“And why would you want to? I’m your roommate, you see me every day,” Alex pointed out. Michael again tugged on his leg which efficiently pulled him off the dresser, but he caught him before he could hit his head and pulled him close. Alex couldn’t manage a laugh or a smile, frozen as he stayed pressed against him. “What are you doing?”

Strong hands pressed against Alex’s back, holding him close while Michael just stared down at him with half-lidded eyes. It felt like some weird glitch in the universe where, instead of him doing this to some pretty girl, he was doing it to Alex.

“What are you doing?” Alex repeated, “A-are you fucking with me? Because that’d be an asshole move if you’re just—“

Alex was silenced as lips pressed to his, soft at first before he pulled away. Michael looked at him, checking if this was okay and _god_ it was, so he smiled and closed the space again. Michael’s lips parted and his tongue slid over Alex’s in a slow, deliberate way. Suddenly, Alex was the one who was struggling to stand.

It didn’t make sense as he backed Alex gently into the dresser, kissing him like he meant something more than just the guy who put up with him. It made his head spin in ways that would be hard to untangle. 

Michael pulled away and peppered a couple pecks to his lips to finish the job, slowly peeling off of him. Alex stared at him like he couldn’t make sense of it at all and that was because he couldn’t. He kept staring at Michael as he brought his fingertips to his lips.

“I have a test to go ace,” Michael said softly.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed.

Then Michael was gone and Alex couldn’t pull out his phone fast enough to tell Maria about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex vents to Maria. Michael comes home high.

“Wait, start from the beginning.”

Alex let out a straight giddy laugh as he complied. He ended up skipping his programming fundamentals class in favor of pacing around Maria’s dorm to try to put together what the hell happened that morning. He’d done his best during Calc, but ended up being nothing more than a total waste of space trying to pretend he could think about something other than those  _ lips  _ and that  _ tongue. _

“Okay, so, I was sitting on the dresser, right? And we were just talking like normal and I was drying his hair and‒”

“I can’t believe he asked you to dry his hair for him and you thought he was straight.”

Alex pursed his lips for a moment and thought about. “Okay, but considering he’s a 5’11 baby, I feel like he’d have me do that if he was straight.”

Maria tilted her head back and forth as she considered it. “Okay, valid, continue.”

“So he just kinda stares at me for a moment and I was like ‘what are you doing?’ and he was like ‘I’m gonna go take my test’ and I told him to go and then he pulled me off the dresser,” Alex said, feeling flustered all over again as he thought about it. In the moment, it’d startled him due to the quick movement, but now it made his heart race for a completely different reason. 

“Like, by what? Arms, thighs, waist?” Maria quizzed, clearly trying to picture it in her mind. Alex giggled again and she just smiled at him.

“No, it was by my literal foot. I tried to kick him and he pulled me off by my foot,” he explained.

“And he managed to  _ catch  _ you?” Maria clarified.

“Yeah, he caught me and pulled me like real close, like, full-on chest to chest, I could smell his toothpaste and stale vodka kinda close,” Alex said. Maria gave an impressed look.

“Damn.”

“Right? And then I was like ‘hey, are you fucking with me because that’s rude’ and shit, but then he just  _ kissed _ me.”

“What kinda kiss? Like, a peck or, like, the Notebook, kissing in the rain kinda kiss?”

“It was just a little peck,” Alex said, bitting down on his bottom lip as he played it over in his mind for the billionth time, “At  _ first. _ ”

“Oh my  _ God.” _

“I know! So, he gives me a little peck and then he pulls back just enough to make sure I was into and then I was just suddenly it was like all tongue and skilled shit that I barely knew how to follow and he was basically holding me up at that point because I think I was dying. Seriously, Maria, I know I don’t have much to compare it to, but he kisses like a fucking god,” Alex groaned, but he was still feeling fuzzy. She was smiling at him all the same.

“I bet, he’s got great lips,” she pointed out. Alex tossed his head back as he thought about them. They really were great. “So now what?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted, “I haven’t talked to him since it happened. He had a Chem test this morning and then he probably took a nap while I was in Calc, so no time to talk. Then he should be getting out of Philosophy and heading to his Calc class right now.” Maria snorted, shaking her head.

“You have his schedule memorized?” she asked.

“Well, yeah,” Alex said like it was obvious. Maria pressed her fingers to her lips.

“I don’t have my roommate’s schedule memorized,” she said, biting back a teasing laugh, “I don’t even know her last name.” 

Alex shrugged again. She knew that he was weirdly close to Michael and that he posed as some sort of caretaker, but she didn’t really know the  _ extent.  _ He didn’t want to share that he washed his clothes and pulled him out of bed and packed his backpack. He knew from an outsider perspective, he sounded like a pushover, but he wasn’t really ready to face that fact.

Instead, he’d much rather focus on the fact that he’d been kissed.

“Oh, you’re such a goner,” Maria laughed, “But he really hasn’t even texted you?”

“No,” he admitted, pouting slightly as reality slowly began to seep in, “What if he doesn’t actually feel the same and he just kissed me for no reason? What if it makes things weird? Or, worse, what if he moves out because he did it while he was drunk and he’s embarrassed?”

“Okay, now you’re just overreacting,” she teased, “I’m sure he’s just busy with school.”

“Knowing him, his phone is probably dead,” Alex said, blowing out a breath of air, “I’m kinda scared to go back to my dorm.”

“Why?” she scoffed.

“Because what if he doesn’t come back?” he pointed out, “He goes and gets plastered every night. What are the odds he’s going to actually come and have an adult conversation with me?”

“Oh, honey,” Maria said, “You expect a boy like that to have an adult conversation with you?” 

Alex stared at her for a moment and painfully realized she was right. There was no adult conversation to be had. They kissed, it was good, but that was probably it. Maybe it would happen again, but the chances were that he would be confused the whole time.

“I’m stupid for liking him, aren’t I?”

“It happens to the best of us.”

-

Sure enough, Alex was right. Michael didn’t come back after class.

Instead, he stumbled in at 2 in the morning, bringing the strong scent of weed with him and waking him up in the process. Alex didn’t show any signs that he’d woken up because he didn’t really want to speak to him again until he was sober. He knew he wouldn’t be getting the benefit of an adult conversation, but he  _ could  _ confront him Michael knew where he stood. 

And where he stood was this: stupidly in love with his roommate who he’d known for, like, two months and had already become his mother.

“Hey,” Michael said, voice soft as though he was trying to be quiet despite the fact he was literally right beside Alex’s bed. Alex tried not to react, keeping his face to the wall and staying still as he felt Michael touch his shoulder. “Hey, Alex, wake up.”

“Why?” he asked tiredly, “It’s two in the morning.”

“Prime time for talking,” Michael decided. That caught Alex’s attention and he rolled over, facing the man who was just high enough to look at him with a sweet smile. 

“Talking?” Alex asked, rubbing his fist against his eye, “You wanna talk about why you kissed me?” Michael searched his face with his bloodshot eyes, smile falling just a little bit.

“Thought you didn’t mind.”

“I don’t,” Alex yawned, “I  _ do _ mind that you proceeded to ghost me for 18 hours after.”

“I didn’t ghost you.”

Alex pushed himself up onto his elbow and scoffed, “Oh, yeah? What do you call it when you kiss someone and then ignore them until you’re high again?”

Michael didn’t answer, just stared at him for a moment. It had Alex questioning why he even woke him up in the first place. Clearly, all he wanted to do was stare at him. Or maybe he was high enough to think this was a successful conversation. Alex wouldn’t put it past him.

Before Alex could tell him to go to bed, however, Michael leaned in for another kiss. His breath wasn’t great and the tip of his nose was fucking freezing where it pressed in beside Alex’s, but the idea of pulling away seemed beyond his better judgment. Because Alex was sleepy and desperate and he couldn’t seem to think of a reason not to kiss most boys back, much less this one in particular.

Michael’s hand reached for his face after the first, closed-mouth kiss, using it as leverage as he pushed himself up onto his toes to get in a better one. Alex could feel his heart picking up the pace and something low in his stomach turned as he parted his lips first this time. Michael smiled at the sensation and tilted his head, placing one open-mouthed kiss on his lips that seemed to only serve the purpose of catching Alex’s bottom lip between his teeth. He pulled back, bringing Alex with him just a little and just smiled at him when he let go. That’s when Alex should’ve stopped it, should’ve said, “you can’t just seduce me like that” and sent him to his own bed.

But, instead, he grabbed the back of Michael’s head and pushed his tongue into his mouth despite the fact he tasted like pot. If Michael was going to act like that, Alex was going to at least get something out of it.

So, they stayed in that uncomfortable position, Alex’s hand in his hair and kissing him feverishly. Michael kissed back with just as much desperation, his inebriated state causing him to make little content, desperate noises over and over. Each time Alex tugged on his hair or held him in place to kiss him harder or did  _ something  _ that should’ve been gross or sloppy but felt hot in the moment, he’d make those little noises and it was driving Alex insane.

Michael was trying hard to get closer, all but balancing on the edge of Alex’s bed by his chest and hands. It made it sort of hard for him to breathe and yet he still never stopped kissing him, choosing that over breathing. Alex moved his hand to his bicep, squeezing it as he pulled away slightly.

“Okay, you are basically panting into my mouth right now,” Alex whispered, “And that’s really only hot when you’re wearing less clothing.”

Michael blinked hard, seeming to marvel at him with a look that again had Alex feeling like it was a glitch. If he had any sort of faith that Michael liked him that way, he may have even considered it to be lovesick.

But then, in the blink of an eye, Michael hoisted himself up and scrambled onto the bed. Alex couldn’t help but laugh as Michael squished into the small bed with him, moving in for another kiss which he accepted willingly. His hand stayed in Michael’s hair and Michael’s hand went to his waist, legs interlocking as they pressed close. He wasn’t sure if it was required since the bed was so small or because he just wanted to be that close.

They kissed for awhile, kissed until fatigue started taking over again, kissed until Alex was too tired to kiss back. That in itself was strange. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever been that comfortable. And, technically, this whole thing made him anxious because he had no idea what Michael wanted. But here he was, falling asleep.

“Hey,” Michael whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and smoothing out one of his eyebrows. Alex lazily opened his eyes to try to stay away for him, but he was tired and the feeling of Michael’s leg in between his was possibly his new favorite comfort method and his eyes closed right back. “I’m sorry I’m fucked up. I don’t wanna fuck you up.”

Alex hummed in response, fading even more until he was asleep entirely. Still, Michael pressed a kiss to his forehead and held him.

When Alex woke up the next morning, Michael had already gotten up and gone to class all by himself.


	3. together we can quiet all the noises...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael chooses to sober up and steal some time with Alex despite the consequences that might come from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: addiction/self-medicating, vaguely implied sexual assault

“What the fuck, Guerin?”

Michael stopped brushing his teeth as Alex walked in. He hadn’t actually seen him that day, unless you count the part where he woke up and turned Alex’s first alarm off before it could wake him. But, as per usual, he looked good. Hair all ruffled, long sleeved black shirt, dark-lined eyes, tight jeans, freshly painted nails, and looking at Michael like he expected something from him. 

“What?” Michael asked, slowly pulling the brush out of his mouth. Alex looked between him and the running sink a few times before he walked over and turned it off. “Hey!”

“You’re supposed to turn it off while you’re brushing, you’d know that if you brushed your teeth like a normal person,” Alex said, taking a step back and eyeing him, “Why _are_ you brushing your teeth like a normal person?” 

“Um,” he said, trying to find the best way to explain that he thought Alex might like it if he brushed his teeth more than once every other day without being told.

“Finishing brushing your teeth so I can understand you,” he ordered. Michael nodded, spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing out his mouth. He ran the toothbrush under the water and put it on the counter before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Alex looked at it and made kind of a grossed out face, but he took a heavy breath and tried to put his focus on Michael. “Now why?”

“Seemed like a good idea.”

“You know what else seems like a good idea right now? Explaining to me how the hell your brain works,” Alex said, hands going to his hips and his head tilting in that demanding way. It was much more distracting than he was comfortable admitting in the moment.

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean,_ what are you doing? Why did you kiss me yesterday and then not talk to me? Why did you kiss me last night and then _leave_ before I woke up? Honestly, why are you even here right now? It’s 7PM, you’re usually off getting fucked up,” Alex threw at him. Michael made a choice not to let that settle in his chest, knowing that Alex wasn’t exactly wrong in what he was saying. However, it was a different story when it came to actually talking about that. So, he held up four fingers

“I am talking to you.” He put one finger down. “I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you and you kissed me back and then my phone was dead.” He put another finger down. “I kissed you last night because I have no self control when I’m high, but I got up before you to show you I’m not entirely helpless.” He put another finger down. “And I came back here instead of going out because the idea of possibly kissing you again sounds, like, a lot better than getting high right now.” He put his whole hand down, looking to Alex to make sure they were all answered. His eyebrows were furrowed, looking cuter than ever.

Why did he have to be so cute? Wasn’t it like a rule not to be into your roommate? He tried his damnedest not too, he really did, but it was hard when he was cute _and_ nice _and_ wanted to kiss him back. Like, how much self control could he have?

“So, what, you were trying to impress me by getting yourself ready in the morning?” Alex asked. Michael gave a guilty smile, shrugging. Alex looked him up and down, making him stand a little straighter just in case. “You do know that it came off as you trying to avoid talking to me again, right?”

Michael blinked a few times. He honestly hadn’t even considered that. “Oh, I’m sorry, I won’t... do that again, I guess?” Alex huffed a laugh, but it slowly split into a smile as he shook his head.

“That’s not what I meant. You just didn’t exactly explain yourself. You need to work on using your words,” Alex told him, taking a step closer. All of Michael’s hair seemed to stand at attention, all wired for him. Which was weird and not something he’d actually felt before. There was just something about him.

“I’ll work on it,” he said. Alex nodded slowly.

“And you decided to actually get sober for once just for the chance of kissing me again?” Alex clarified, taking another step closer and firmly placing himself in Michael's space.

Michael knew he had problems. He knew it well, he wasn't stupid. Yet, the idea of promising to do better with that felt like a lie. He did want to try. But... that was easier said than done. Right now, with Alex so close and his eyes holding so much promise for the next few hours was one thing. The uncertainty of everything in the future was another.

Then Alex put his hand on his chest, looking up to him like that didn’t matter. Like just this one little bit of effort mattered. Damn him if that didn’t feel like everything he’d ever wanted.

“But you actually like me?” Alex clarified, fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt to get a good grip, “Like, this isn’t a joke?” 

“You’re beautiful and you’re nice to me,” Michael explained, “How the hell was I supposed to not be into you?”

“And you’re not just gonna fuck off the minute you get what you want?” Alex asked, letting go of his shirt and sliding his hand down his chest, “Because that’s really mean.”

“No, I won’t do that,” he said firmly. He knew that for sure. Hell, he’d spent so long _avoiding_ him, trying not just make a move the second he saw him like he did almost everyone else. Alex was a pristine, precious little thing entering a lion’s den and Michael couldn’t seem to protect him the way he’d originally decided. He was too irresistible. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“Why are you so convinced you will? I’m not made of glass,” Alex said, his fingers finding the belt loops of his jeans and tugging him closer. Michael swallowed.

“Maybe not, but I’m destructive,” Michael said, “Really destructive.”

“Says the engineer,” Alex laughed softly, smiling at him so fondly, “Maybe you’re destructive, but that title says you’re probably pretty good at building things too. Let me help you with the structure, okay?”

And Alex probably meant it as a silly little metaphor, but Michael felt emotion swell in his chest and tighten his throat. His eyebrows came together and he blinked a few times, shooing away tears that he could feel coming on. He hoped it was caused by withdrawals instead of Alex because that would be embarrassing.

But Alex didn’t tease him. Instead, he put his palm on his cheek and still smiled.

“Kiss me,” Alex urged softly, “I promise I taste better when you’re sober.”

Michael nodded and let him pull him down into a kiss. It was softer than the ones from yesterday, sweet and cautious. Alex pulled away slightly, looking at him with big, endless eyes. He hadn’t realized how nice his eyes were before. Now, he was pretty sure they held the secrets of the universe.

“Is this okay?” Alex asked. Michael couldn’t recall being asked that before. There were people he didn’t remember kissing, people he didn’t remember touching, days he woke up naked and confused in strangers’ beds. This felt like the total opposite and somehow it was even more terrifying.

“Yeah,” Michael breathed. Alex smiled and pulled him back in. Michael’s hands went to his face, holding him carefully like he might break. Because he might.

He kept himself at bay, lifting onto his toes and only pressing himself into Alex as much as he was welcome. But Alex seemed to welcome him entirely, smiling and holding his waist. It was so... _nice._

Nice, but overwhelming. He could feel it in his fingertips and his stomach was so tense that it hurt, but he couldn’t seem to relax. Alex was warm and welcoming, but it was terrifying. The only thing that kept him calm was Alex promising him that he wanted this even if it made no sense.

 _“_ Whoa, hey, what’s wrong?” Alex said suddenly, voice soft and comforting. He pulled out of the kiss, a little frown on his face as he wiped Michael’s cheeks. And it was the biggest sign that he was sober. Yeah, he’d still fail a drug test, but his system was readjusting to going this many hours without something to quiet his mind. The longest since, what, junior year of high school? Sophomore?

“Nothing,” Michael promised, letting go of him just long enough to wipe his face dry, “I’m just, just like that sometimes, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay,” Alex said and he said it like he meant it, “Let’s lay down, maybe that’ll help. Tell me if you feel sick, okay?”

Michael nodded and stood there a little helplessly as Alex took of his jacket and his shoes. He was so nice and pretty and put together. Why the hell did he like Michael?

They laid down in the tiny twin bed together, fingers combing through his hair as Alex’s warm blanket and warmer body gave him comfort he hated that he needed. Each touch seemed to subdue the chaos in his mind, keeping him safe. Alex would kiss his forehead and his lips every once in awhile, still babying him even though this situation between them had changed. And Michael loved it.

And maybe that should’ve been a red flag.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
